this is what i'm learning.

A helpful word from C.S. Lewis:

The husband is the head of the wife just in so far as he is to her what Christ is to the Church. He is to love her as Christ loved the Church-read on-and give his life for her (Eph. V, 25). This headship, then, is most fully embodied not in the husband we should all wish to be but in him whose marriage is most like a crucifixion; whose wife receives most and gives least, is most unworthy of him, is-in her own mere nature-least lovable. For the Church has no beauty but what the Bride-groom gives her; he does not find, but make her, lovely.